When I was a sophomore in high school my geography teacher called me stupid. She told me not to raise my hand because I wouldn't know the answer.
She got fired after multiple complaints from parents claiming she told their daughters they were stupid.
In high school I ran about a 2.5 GPA and thought I would never understand math or science. I stayed after and got extra help. My Mom hired a math tutor. I was allotted extra time for tests. I cried at night when I didn't understand why I kept getting horrible grades and had to be benched in sports.
Senior year my Mom took me to a child psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ADD and ADHD and prescribed Adherall. A very slippery slope of a drug.
It definitely helped me focus, I went from a 2.5 to a 4.0 GPA. And I didn't change anything but take this drug. I felt like a wizard! I could study, read, focus, understand questions on tests and whiz through homework.
On the other side of how this drug made me feel: like a zombie, I wasn't hungry and ended up losing a lot of weight which started my eating disorder, had no personality, was extremely irritable, couldn't sleep and had no energy.
So, after 4 years of taking adherall, I stopped. I also lost focus and tapped into my creative side. I excelled in interpersonal relationships, started eating normally and followed my passion: food, sisterhood and emotional health. I became a health coach, yoga teacher, barre teacher, detox specialist, women's fitness specialist, retreat leader, biz owner, wife and mama.
A part of me still needs to prove my intelligence and I know that I keep going through certifications to prove I'm not stupid and that I do know what I'm talking about.
I've read about this before. The Imposter Syndrome. It's like you keep feeling like someone is going to say, "YOU'RE A FRAUD!" When really it's that voice inside that tries to keep your light hidden. Says that fear will guide you and that you'll never amount to anything.
When I have clients who mirror these feelings, I suggest writing an achievement list. I tell them to write down everything they've received accolades for and everything they haven't, but still completed...aka pregnancy, labor, wifey, etc.
All of my life I've been chasing this facade, "if I get this certification, people will take me seriously," when really the only work that needed to be done was on myself. Feel me?
What negative thoughts can you break today? What no longer serves you? What can you let go of?
I am still toying with getting my Master's in psychology and I believe a little piece of me knows that, "once I have my Master's, people will take me seriously." just kidding...kind of.