I was scared to death of getting married

I have always been such a free bird - an independent soul.  Ready to travel the world on my own time.  I spent 8 months in SE Asia as a 24 year old, turning 25 in Laos while I floated down the Mekhong River.

When I was 26 I flew to Paris by myself and spent a few days eating chocolate croissants and sipping on cafe ole's.  I walked around eating foot long baguettes and popping my head into gelato shops to get a taste of pistachio gelato.

I knew the moment I got married, I would have to compromise.  I was obligated to consider someone else's feelings when I wanted to see my parents and siblings for holidays.  I was 30 years old when I got married, an established woman with my own set of friends, living in a city I loved with a man I was honored to call my own.

In the past almost year, I moved from Seattle to Gig Harbor, bought a house, left a studio and gym I LOVED teaching at and said goodbye with friends I had made in my adult life.  I also squeezed in time to have foot surgery, get pregnant and start teaching at new gyms and studios in the Southend.  When I first moved to Gig Harbor, I spent almost 3 months in bed.  Literally.  No energy, no friends, no motivation to continue building my business. I was running on empty, except I wasn't running, I was slothing around like Sid, (anyone seen Ice Age)?  If not, picture a slug.

It's now been 9 months since we moved and I am just now getting adjusted to "married life," and my new neighborhood.  I've met a few neighbors, but it wasn't the "welcome to the neighborhood, here's a plate of cookies," I imagined.  BUT, I finally had the laser beam focus on my business to enable real success because I didn't have anything or anyone to distract me.  That's what will happen when you move from the beauty and open ended possibilities of Seattle into suburbia where the average age is 20 years older than that of the blazing, loud, traffic filled city, (I write this with stars in my eyes).

It's important to share honestly, because that's who I am.  I'm a no fluff kind of gal, I can't pretend things don't bother me when they do and I don't want anyone to feel left out.  If you're struggling with what seems "not normal," like being terrified of getting married, you are not alone.  If you are terrified of being alone and think you'll never get married, you are not alone.

Life is scary.  But if you live in the fear, you freeze.  No change, no growth, no movement.  If I didn't say yes to Alex, I wouldn't get to go up and down the stairs in this beautiful house and watch my belly grow (and butt for that matter).  I think when you feel like an 18 year old on the inside, it can be hard to grasp this notion that you're a grown up.