I was the girl in high school who dipped into every group. I liked you because you were you, not what group you were in, how much money your parents had or what kind of clothes you wore.
I had NO clue what I wanted to do after high school, so I told my Mom I was signing up for beauty school. It became her mission to make sure I was at the BEST beauty school of all, but as we went to an open house, talked to the registration woman and toured the joint, I realized how big of a mistake I was making.
Thoughts circled in my head and I thought I was doomed! Beauty school dropout before school even starts! Luckily, my Mama is a genius and helped me sign up during the last week to register at a community college.
First quarter: straight A's.
I finished two years with a 3.4 GPA and an Associate's in Arts & Sciences. I learned more in those two years than I did in a 4 year...must've been because of the lack of college parties. Living at home, working part-time and attending school full time was a magic formula.
And then I transferred to WSU, joined a sorority and watched my grades decline as my friendships doubled. It was so rough that first year. I felt so out of place. I was really out of place. Transferring colleges, coming into a sorority as a junior who just turned 21 with a pledge class of 18 year olds felt funny. But I was so used to feeling "out of place" that it felt normal.
After I graduated, I had a few odd jobs, corporate jobs, part-time jobs and couldn't find where I fit it. Uh-oh, I was back to that feeling I had in high school, friends with everyone, but no specific group. It was a gift and a curse. How could I feel so lonely with so many people around me?
Then to make things really weird, my friend and I went to Thailand for 8 months. That was a huge emotional shift for me. I became strong, sad, independent, scared, unsure, confident, dazed, confused, homesick and every other emotion you can encounter.
I got home. Had more weird jobs. And by that I mean on average for the past 5 years, I've filed 15 1099's. SAY WHAT!? I know, looney bin.
This year things changed. I got married. Moved. Lost all my friends (or so it feels some days). And went ham on my biz. Hired a business coach. Found clarity. Built a strategy. Started making real money. Pulled my big girl pants on and started putting my nose to the grind, (never really understood that phrase)...and voila - a biz well on it's way to booming.
All without feeling like the cool girl.
I've had past boyfriends tell me that they thought I'd be cooler, because I was hot. WTF!
When I told my husband that I minored in Theater, he said, "Of course you did, because you really belong in the nerdy crowd." HE IS SO RIGHT!
And there are so many others like me out there. I could name a few of you right now, but you already know I'm writing this for you. The ones who smile, who are genuinely happy, but also experience genuine sadness.
The ones who root for everyone else, but feel weird rooting for themselves.
This is for you. The ones who never belonged in the cool girl crowd. You've found your peeps, we're here.