When you realize you are an adult

Do you ever react quickly with a snarky comment and realize how out of line you are, but something inside propels this angry beast?!  You think to yourself, "WHOA!  Where the hell did that come from and what am I so mad about?"

I did that recently to my guy as he walked in the door.  I've been dealing with wedding planning, retreat planning, class planning and meal planning.  If there's one thing I hate, it's planning.  I like to live life as it falls together, or falls apart in some instances.  Going with the flow is one of my greatest joys, but I'm finding that going with the flow, leaves me feeling unprepared and anxious.

Do you ever feel like that?  Like, one day, you're a kid and the next thing ya know, you're talking about being excited that your wedding will be a write off.  I know.  I've confused myself.  I have entered adulthood and I don't think I like it here.  I don't like being places 30 minutes early and eating dinner before 6:30pm so my body can digest properly and I don't go to bed on a full stomach.

This morning I made an excel spreadsheet for my 2015 financial goals.  BLEH!  I am spending my free time working on real life shit.  Dammit.  How did this happen!?  I even made a column of how many classes I'll to teach in order to reach my monetary goals and how many health coaching clients I'll need each week.  I guess it all happened when I decided that I don't like being totally unable to predict how much $$ I'll make each month.  It would be a little cooler to have an idea of what's comin' home to mama at the end of the month.

And maybe saving enough money at the end of the year to pay my taxes and put a chunk of change towards an IRA.  I'm getting more depressed as I write.  Knowing that I'm 30 and acting 30 are two very different things.  But I guess it goes along with my 9:30pm bed time.

Laugh all you want, but one day, you'll be rubbing your head, putting on your comfiest sweats and making your own excel spreadsheet.