Never saw that one coming. I remember the first time I felt depressed from a scale, I was in 6th grade at a friends house. A group of boys shoved a few of us girls into the bathroom and made us get on the scale, one by one.
I was the heaviest and for the rest of 6th grade, my nickname from these delightful boys was, "Heffer." Or fat cow. I laughed with them so I wouldn't have a nervous breakdown, but my spirit was crushed.
The teasing didn't stop at school. Instant Messaging (IM) had just gotten popular and so there, after school, I would login to jjginger98 (Ginger from the Spice Girls of course). Someone made up a random IM name and would constantly send me messages like, "You should lose 10 lbs. You are so fat. I bet if you lost weight and had clear skin so and so would like you." I pretended that it was funny and I wasn't affected. But here I am at 30 years old writing about something that happened when I was 12.
My struggle with weight + image started after the constant cyber bullying and name calling. At home, my parents preferred me with little to no make up and told me I was beautiful and loved every day. I didn't care what they said, I was dealing with a handful of guys telling me I was fat and ugly.
I know what it's like to reach for sugar because you're feeling so low, so depleted, so hopeless. Or what it's like to go on a diet and feel like you're going to be stuck hating yourself forever.
I also know what it's like to crave sugar non-stop, but never fill the emptiness. I ate pouches of sour patch kids, cartons of cookies and pints of ice cream. But I always wanted more. The cravings got more intense when I was in my early twenties. I was in a bad relationship with someone who did shady stuff behind my back. And I did it back to him. Because of this double life, I felt so empty and insecure.
I believe sugar was a contributor of my depression. I always felt up and down, never a moderate happiness.
The last time I had sugar from a cookie/cake/ice cream was almost 3 years ago and have since lost 25 pounds, have clear skin and a focused mind. I would NEVER put up with someone who treated me less than my worth or tried to make me feel inferior. Put your big girl pants on and OWN WHO YOU ARE!
Ditch the sugar for yourself. For your loved ones. For your future. The body you were given is perfect. It's your job to make it a beautiful, healthy place to live in. I share my story so you can feel open and honest with others, or just with yourself.
Here's a big hug!!!!!!!!! Can you feel it!? My arms are wrapped around you super tight because YOU DESERVE IT!
Fearful to Fit
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